*When I decided that I wanted to become a comedian I started a blog to organize my ideas. This is a post from 8/6/2013 that I later turned into a bit. I also posted a video of me performing this bit on stage below. Enjoy :)*

My girlfriends have always gotten mad at me because I can’t remember their birthdays, but I don’t think that is fair. I try so hard to remember them, but eventually it gets lost in the recesses of my brain like long division and geography.

I don’t know what day it is most of the time. I have been celebrating Memorial day for my whole life and it is on a long list of many other holidays that I couldn’t even tell you what month they fall in. I don’t even know which month we celebrate black history month. These holidays have been around since I was born, and we have only been dating for 7 years. So how can you expect me to remember your birthday? I barely know when we celebrate Christmas, and that’s only because I wouldn’t be a very good Christian if I didn’t know the day that Santa died on the cross and was replaced by Tim Allen. So let me get these holidays down first, and then I will work on remembering your birthday.